Dreemz und Reelallity.

I had two significant dreams about Zelda lately. In the first she didn't want to talk to me at all. In the second she wanted to smell me coz she was apparently obsessively in love with me. Or something.

I saw her today. I was elated that it was somewhere between the two. I wish we would have had more time to talk. She looks really good.

Zelda's that girl that will never really truly and fully understand exactly what she means to me. She's the girl that at times I let my hopes and imagination run so rampant that I actually let myself believe for a flittering moment in time that she actually feels remotely the same for me.

It's okay if it's not. But she will forever and always be the first person who ever TRULY meant more to me than myself. The only person I can honestly say I would REALLY give EVERYTHING for.

I'm not saying I'll never love anyone else the same (or even more) than I love her. That's absurd. Nonsense. Again though, she'll always be the first.

She deserves more than the man I am today though. It's not the only reason I'm changing. Not any more. It's good to know that. It's good to know that I have more reasons than just her to change for. To know that I can change for myself.

The one I lovingly refer to as the "Adversary" has been trying to keep me from where I need to be. I unfortunately do admit I've let myself become somewhat slothful and negligent of some of my duties during this time. But I'm standing firm. Not alone though. I'd never make it by myself.

My help comes from the Lord, maker of Heaven and Earth.

Today marks at least 21 days. At least 3 weeks. And I know that it's driving the Adversary mad. He wants me to fail. Misery does love it's company.

I have other plans in store though. I plan to keep myself where I need to be. Knowing that I'm doing it for me will make that easier.

I thought for a while that perhaps I should be going off to the land of Far, Far, Far, Far, Far, Far Away because then I could properly focus on what I needed to be focused on instead of on Zelda. Just coz she's here doesn't mean she's my only focus though. And like I said, this is where God wants me.

Tonight I had the most absurd conversation I think I've ever held with Ryan in my life. I never thought we would discuss GAY MARRIAGE but somehow the topic came up. My stand is that I can appreciate the idea that as "life-partners" they want the same legal privileges of a heterosexual married couple. However marriage in itself is a religious ordinance in which homosexuals have no claim.

Homosexuals are a direct and blatant deviance from God's will. Even taking just the Bible at a glance we can see that homosexuality was dealt with fiercely in days long past. In these latter days however God has granted unto mankind to do as they would. I've heard it said that those of us who survive these times (enduring to the end that is) will be HONORED by the ancient prophets. I've heard it said that we were chosen before time began to live in this time, as we were those who would be able to (hopefully) withstand the trials and tribulation that all of mankind is faced with today.

In any case, as I said I never dreamed I would have a conversation with Ryan over this topic. I think he may have had one too many tonight (perhaps).

Either way it doesn't really matter. Interesting conversation though ultimately fruitless. I don't know why I keep posting here it's not like I'm ever going to use this blasted thing. Coz I won't.