And then you'd bring home..I'm afraid to realize that I'm alone..that time we fell asleep in your living room..
Sometimes I get so scared that no matter what happens I'll never find what I'm looking for. That nobody will ever be able to truly love me in return the way that I love them. And maybe that scares me a bit. Maybe it scares me a lot..
I just don't know how I can make myself believe in something that seems so impossible.
Tell me I'll be okay.
Tell me I'll be alright.
Tell me I'll get over myself..and that it will come when the time is right.
It's funny the way we can feel so totally undeserving yet still be terrified that we'll never find it.
I don't know what I'm doing here..I'm never going to use this stupid thing.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Your Photographs Just Prove (You Know..I know)
It's not what I want it to be, and I know it never will. You can't change how you feel, and there's a part of me that would never want you to. What I want is for you to be happy, even if that means that what I want can never be. Those words are easy to say, but I hope I can continue to find ways to show you that I mean it with all my heart. You're worth it to me.
Somehow though I find my mind still runs wild and rampant in its imagination. The part of me that holds onto a hope that you'll someday change your mind about me lets me believe things that are really just a bit of nonsense. You didn't pull away or say a word when I gave you the hug, and you fully returned it. You didn't have to do that. You didn't have to thank me either. I don't know what you meant when you said you don't think me being sick had anything to do with me dreaming about you. Probably you just meant because of all the times I've dreamt about you before that it was nothing particularly special. Yet something in the way you said it has been driving me mad.
Part of me wants to believe that you're seeing me in a way you never did before. Part of me wants to believe..
It's not what I want it to be, and I know it never will.
I made it the whole month of January without using this bloody thing. Even still, despite this writing, I'm never going to use this thing.
Somehow though I find my mind still runs wild and rampant in its imagination. The part of me that holds onto a hope that you'll someday change your mind about me lets me believe things that are really just a bit of nonsense. You didn't pull away or say a word when I gave you the hug, and you fully returned it. You didn't have to do that. You didn't have to thank me either. I don't know what you meant when you said you don't think me being sick had anything to do with me dreaming about you. Probably you just meant because of all the times I've dreamt about you before that it was nothing particularly special. Yet something in the way you said it has been driving me mad.
Part of me wants to believe that you're seeing me in a way you never did before. Part of me wants to believe..
It's not what I want it to be, and I know it never will.
I made it the whole month of January without using this bloody thing. Even still, despite this writing, I'm never going to use this thing.
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