Hello Bob.

Zelda's pretty much amazing despite what Rico thinks. He has this preconceived notion from discussions past that I get depressed because of her. I don't get depressed because of anybody but my own danged self. My actions lead to my consequences which are my responsibility to bear and to face. Even when I can't bear facing them. I definitely wouldn't want to bear-face them. That would be un-American.

So tonight I went with Papa Bear (no, not Bill O'Reilly (sorry Stephen)) to a mystical far away land where we sat around and had storytime. Not like when we were kids. This was serious business! But it was storytime nonetheless.

I forgot to mention that I am HAPPY.

See I've been doing this thing. Living for God you see. Instead of for myself.

I've been striving every day to become a better person. And it makes me happy. Which is just plain silly.

My last post was "A New Tomorrow." Man, oh man. What a tomorrow it was!

I talked to Dewey about things that were vitally important that I tell him. Which is why I now get to go visit and have storytime with others who have similar storytime interests to me.

I'm not trying to make light of serious business. I'm trying to maintain the integrity of otherwise good people who I have no business discussing their personal lives on the intarwebz.

Also I might have mentioned I'm happy. It's like a drug. In my brain. And it feels good.

Well, storytime is over children and Papa Bear said GOODNIGHT so I guess that means it's time to go. Although Papa Bear said that like 3 hours ago. Well I had things to deal with.

Just wait until you see Episode VI of The Ridiculous Saga. It's the best yet. You wouldn't believe.

Ugh...why do I do this? I'm never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever going to use this thing!

A New Tomorrow.

I screwed it up. I made a mistake. A few times over. A hundred billion thousand million times over. But still you keep taking me back. I understand somewhat, thanks to the amazing gifts you've given me. But...me? How could anyone love me?

I regret the times I've turned my back on you. The times I've let you down. The times I've given up on you...and myself. I wish I could take them back. We both know I can't. Though I wish I could. You know my heart and you know I'd give most anything if I could take it all back.

I can't change the past though. The only thing I can change is the future. And I know that the only way to change that is with you...not just by my side. Not just behind me. I don't just need you to have my back. I need you all around me. I need you to carry me. Just like I know you always have.

I'm terrified of failing you again. But in my heart I know that falling and failing are not the same. I know that I can make it through this.

I just pray that you can forgive the things I've done though I can't even begin to fully comprehend how you could. Not me. I feel more than just undeserving. But perhaps it's my humility that allows you to keep taking me back in your arms time after time.

I love you.

...and I'm never gonna use this stupid thing.