I'm finally catching onto it...

I was gone for a month. I guess I thought you wouldn't notice. But you did.

"Let go."

"I can't. I love you too much."

Your whole family has meant more to me than you'll probably ever know. It amazes me to think that somehow I inexplicably have meant something to you all as well.

How selfish can I be that I never realized it before?

At times I feel so worthless...so meaningless. All I would have had to have done was opened my eyes and I would have seen how blind I was letting myself be.

I can't think about it dry eyed. My entire life I've been longing to feel this way. As if I matter to somebody, to anybody. I know my own family cares, but that has always seemed to me somewhat superficial. We are taught from birth to care for our family.

Yet somehow, knowing that I have touched your family...knowing that I have meant something to you. Even just something as simple and stupid as realizing that you notice when I'm not around. I guess it's just knowing that I matter. Really. Truly. Honestly. To somebody. I'm just sorry I never realized it before.

I love every one of you. Just don't ever let me forget that. Don't ever let me be so foolish as to lead myself to believing as I once did.

I don't know why I'm posting this here though considering I'm never going to use this thing.